Psalm 51 - A Reflection of Repentance

Why do we only seek God after we have fallen?
Why do we return to Him only after we have done wrong?
We plead God for mercy, according to His goodness;
We asked to be washed clean.

But sin has enveloped me in darkness
that I see only it.
My transgressions has separated me from God;
My bones are weary from the burden of sin.

How could I have done such evil against God?
We have indeed disappointed Him.
Why should He even look at me now?
Why should the only Good draw near to the filthy?

When I consider that my wrongs are too great
and my deeds too dark
When I consider my strength and know that I can fight on no more
and I feel like giving up
When joy has left me and shadows cast about me
I thought, maybe, I should just…. die.

Curse God and die?
If only it is this easy.
But the terror of having the Spirit of God leave me,
of the presence of Him absent from me,
the thought is unbearable, almost unthinkable.
And… I remembered,
“You are my Lord;
I have no good apart from You. (Psalms 16:2)”

And so I go down on my knees,
and though my iniquity runs deep,
I  am banking on Your river of abundant mercies
to swallow up my wrongs.  

Who else do I have but You?
Only You can make me hear joy and gladness;
Only You can restore to me the joy of Your salvation.
You can purge me clean and wash me whiter than snow.
Who else can I turn to, but You?

I offered up my broken spirit and contrite heart
and You accepted.
And I am resolute
to sin no longer.

I know not why we only seek God after we have fallen;
But I know that we must!
For no one else can renew our spirit and create in us a clean heart.
I know not why we return to Him only after we have done wrong;
But I know that when I do,
I ought to strengthen my brethren (Luke 22:32).
My lips shall proclaim Your goodness;
My mouth shall bring forth Your praise.

The Lord is near to those who have a broken heart,
And saves such as have a contrite spirit. (Psalms 34:18)

I know that God is good…
And He is always near to those who repent.

Come, and let us return to the Lord;
For He has torn, but He will heal us;
He has stricken, but He will bind us up. (Hosea 6:1)

Balaam, the Donkey, and the Angel (Numbers 22)

Have we encountered similar situations as Balaam, meeting with problem situations one after another as we walk along life’s way?

Why is my donkey giving me so much trouble? Why is she turning to go another way? Why is she pushing against the wall and, ouch! She even crushed my foot! Why did she stop?  We start to get frustrated and may even start to curse everything and everybody around us.

We wish we could kill this donkey right now because she just isn’t going the way we want her to go!

“Because you have abused me. I wish there were a sword in my hand, for now I would kill you!” (Numbers 22:29)

Have we ever stopped to consider…. if our way is perverse before the Lord in the first place?

“Why have you struck your donkey these three times? Behold, I have come out to stand against you, because your way is perverse before Me.” (Numbers 22:32)

Has it ever crossed our minds that the donkey’s problem behaviour was actually to save our lives and stop us from heading the wrong way?

The donkey saw Me and turned aside from Me these three times. If she had not turned aside from Me, surely I would also have killed you by now, and let her live.” (Numbers 22:33)

Okay, maybe “perverse” is a rather strong word to use, but at times when we are not going so right in our direction in life, have we thought that the obstacles that come our way may actually be God’s timely reminders for us to return?

When things do not seem to go our way, do we immediately burn with fury, and blame others or the things around us, or sometimes even God? Why not stop to consider where are we going and be sensitive to God’s gentle nudges?

And if we have considered our ways and found them to be blameless before God, then praise God! It may just be a training for us to learn patience and reliance on our Lord God. But if not, then perhaps it is time to stop and realign our direction with God’s direction.

Must it take the Angel of the Lord to appear before our very eyes before we know that we have been wrong?

God’s grace is indeed abundant… He could have struck Balaam dead at the first instance, couldn’t He? Yet, He gave Balaam three chances to repent.

The Lord is not slack concerning His promise, as some count slackness, but is longsuffering toward us, not willing that any should perish but that all should come to repentance. (2 Peter 3:9)

The next time our donkey fail us again, let us not immediately strike the donkey, but let us reflect and consider our ways to see if they are pleasing to God first.

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Question for reflection: Are you having problem situations with your donkey? How do you think they reflect God’s gentle nudges?