Psalm 51 - A Reflection of Repentance

Why do we only seek God after we have fallen?
Why do we return to Him only after we have done wrong?
We plead God for mercy, according to His goodness;
We asked to be washed clean.

But sin has enveloped me in darkness
that I see only it.
My transgressions has separated me from God;
My bones are weary from the burden of sin.

How could I have done such evil against God?
We have indeed disappointed Him.
Why should He even look at me now?
Why should the only Good draw near to the filthy?

When I consider that my wrongs are too great
and my deeds too dark
When I consider my strength and know that I can fight on no more
and I feel like giving up
When joy has left me and shadows cast about me
I thought, maybe, I should just…. die.

Curse God and die?
If only it is this easy.
But the terror of having the Spirit of God leave me,
of the presence of Him absent from me,
the thought is unbearable, almost unthinkable.
And… I remembered,
“You are my Lord;
I have no good apart from You. (Psalms 16:2)”

And so I go down on my knees,
and though my iniquity runs deep,
I  am banking on Your river of abundant mercies
to swallow up my wrongs.  

Who else do I have but You?
Only You can make me hear joy and gladness;
Only You can restore to me the joy of Your salvation.
You can purge me clean and wash me whiter than snow.
Who else can I turn to, but You?

I offered up my broken spirit and contrite heart
and You accepted.
And I am resolute
to sin no longer.

I know not why we only seek God after we have fallen;
But I know that we must!
For no one else can renew our spirit and create in us a clean heart.
I know not why we return to Him only after we have done wrong;
But I know that when I do,
I ought to strengthen my brethren (Luke 22:32).
My lips shall proclaim Your goodness;
My mouth shall bring forth Your praise.

The Lord is near to those who have a broken heart,
And saves such as have a contrite spirit. (Psalms 34:18)

I know that God is good…
And He is always near to those who repent.

Come, and let us return to the Lord;
For He has torn, but He will heal us;
He has stricken, but He will bind us up. (Hosea 6:1)