1 Kings 19

1Ki 19:4
But he himself went a day's journey into the wilderness, and came and sat down under a broom tree. And he prayed that he might die, and said, "It is enough! Now, LORD, take my life, for I am no better than my fathers!"

Have you ever prayed before that you might die? I did. But I think most times, I didn't really mean it. And God knows we are just throwing a tantrum.

Most of those times, I felt that I was carrying more burden than I could bear, to the point that I cannot take it any longer. I wanted to let go. I wanted to go home, to God. I felt helpless and thought that heaven holds more hope for me than life in this world now. I could be what I want to be there, pure and good. And I will be able to do whatever I want to do there, with strength and wisdom. I wanted so much to go there.

But when the words reached the tip of my lips, that I might pray for death, I wasn't quite so sure about it. And I was quite fearful of such a request. Will God's wrath be on me, hearing such a plea from me? One whom He has bought with His own blood. One whom He has so patiently taught and led all the way thus far. One whom I know He has beautiful plans for. Yet one who has just given up and requested to die. If God wasn't angry, He must be sorrowful.

Let us not give up even when we thought that we have reached the limit. Because we have not. God knows how much we can endure and therefore, He wishes for us to be trained up to the best of our abilities. Remember that He will not let us be tempted beyond what we can bear and that He will always provide the way out (1 Cor 10:13).

Let us also not remain wilful, thinking that God will always look beyond our immature nature and still help us. The Bible encourages us to move beyond the infancy stage to that of maturity, no longer being fed with spiritual milk but that of solid foods.

For though by this time you ought to be teachers, you need someone to teach you again the first principles of the oracles of God; and you have come to need milk and not solid food. For everyone who partakes only of milk is unskilled in the word of righteousness, for he is a babe. But solid food belongs to those who are of full age, that is, those who by reason of use have their senses exercised to discern both good and evil. (Hebrews 5:12-14)

Therefore, let us learn to grow up, in the Lord.