What a
psalm to start off my writing for the new year!
My
impression of psalms has always been that they are filled with hopes and praise
and though sorrows and sufferings are expressed, the psalmists always turned
their eyes back to God and there was always a resolution towards God at the
end.
Not so with
Psalm 88.
It is
probably one of the darkest psalms in the Bible, ending with
“Loved one and friend You have put far from me,
And my acquaintances into darkness.” (Ps 88:18)
And my acquaintances into darkness.” (Ps 88:18)
What utter
hopelessness! What total despair! What can such a gloomy psalm teach us?
---
There was a
period in my faith when I had an episode of depression. In retrospect, many of
the descriptions in Psalm 88 match what I went through. I felt like a living
dead, not sure what I am living for day to day. A heavy load was pressing down
on me and I also gradually felt that my friends are deserting me. During that
period, I spoke to God a lot, asking Him a lot of questions, even pleading for
Him to take me Home. I had no strength, no smiles, only gloom and tears. I also
wondered if God was listening and whether He would deliver me out of this.
I know I
couldn’t take my life but that only made the situation a worse place to be in.
I was literally trapped, no where to go.
There was
one time late into the night, I was still awake and as usual, I didn’t know
what to do. It was a horrible place to be in because I couldn’t die, I didn’t
know what I was living for, and it seems like I could only cry but crying also
doesn’t solve the problem. I decided to talk to God, but I have no words, so I
prayed in the Spirit and allowed the Spirit to guide me and intercede for me.
That was one prayer I couldn’t forget because in that prayer, in the quietness
of the night, when I felt most alone, I heard the Holy Spirit praying for me.
It was the most comforting and assuring moment to know that we still have a God
who is always there and He understands and He is praying for us.
Gradually,
I walked out of that darkness, by the grace of God.
---
Perhaps God
is giving me a chance to reflect upon His grace as I start this new year with a
fresh beginning. And I am also hoping that through reflection upon this psalm,
we can all learn to be more empathetic towards those who might be facing
despair and hopelessness.
Though this
psalm ends with a somewhat gloomy note, this only suggests the reality of the
matter: that sometimes there are no ready answer, no immediate hopes. This
chapter is a chapter of waiting and we must learn to wait on the Lord.
However,
this period of waiting is not one that excludes God, instead, this psalm
teaches us to come before God day and night and tell Him all our problems. We
can definitely be honest before Him and tell Him how we are struggling and how
we need Him to help us. Despite his despair, the psalmist clung on to God, the God
of his salvation, and never let Him go. This is definitely something we must
learn from him - never let go of God!
Going to
God in our moments of despair and doubts (rather than running away from Him) is
an act of faith. May God’s presence comfort and strengthen us as we start the
new year of new hopes and new beginnings. J
